For the last few years I have had the pleasure of coaching some really good leaders. My coaching philosophy is pretty simple. I enable my clients to perform better in their personal and professional lives by helping them to get crystal clear on their best selves (strengths, values, goals and triggers).
So what does this have to do with self-care? Everything. The more I coach, the more I realize that our best self is so connected to really good self-care.
Let me give you a negative example from my life. A few years ago, I got some feedback from my team that I was moody. Generally I am an optimistic and upbeat person, but under stress, yes, I can be moody. To make matters worse it turns out that as leaders our moods have a tremendous impact on the people we lead according to Dan Goleman, emotional intelligence thought leader (Goleman, et al, 2001).
Resisting my natural urge to sound smart with a mini science lecture, I will simple state that according to researchers (Gallese & Goldman, 1998) we are wired (by mirror neurons) to tune into the moods of those around us. Every team member’s mood has a collective impact on the team. According Barsade (1999) the leader’s mood is the most contagious to the team.
The really good news is that cheerfulness and warmness spread faster in work groups than irritability. According to Barsade (1999) laughter is the most contagious of all emotions. Think about it. Have you ever heard somebody laughing and you find yourself laughing without knowing why? One of the best compliments I received from a co-worker was that the sound of my laughter from across the building would make her happy. While still holding on to this as a compliment, I now realize that this was just good old fashioned human wiring that enhanced her mood.
Okay, so our moods as leaders are especially contagious to our teams. So what does that have to do with self-care? I am still getting to that.
The better we take care of ourselves, the more equipped we will be to handle the challenges and stresses of work and life. Loehr & Schwartz, (2001) present a model of self-care for business leaders that was derived from their two decades working with elite world class athletes that have to perform their best under extremely stressful and demanding conditions. Their model, called the performance pyramid addresses the body, mind, emotions and spirit. They argue that traditional training and development aimed for business executives focuses only on the mind. They advocate for a balanced approach, which I am simplifying as self-care.
Does this sound familiar? You work very hard, moving from meeting to meeting and if you are lucky you have a few quiet hours at the end of your work day to complete outstanding task and to catchup on email. You leave work much later than you planned only to run into traffic. Instead of being filled with a sense of accomplishment, you spend most of your ride home trying to forget the work that remains. If you are fortunate you are greeted at home by the most supportive spouse and peaceful children the world has ever known. In reality most of us walk into our homes feeling guilty, just trying to survive the hecticness of the dinner, bathing and bedtime routines. Before we know it the alarm is going off and the merry-go-round is re-starting and we have not done those things for ourselves that we been promising for the last few months.
While this survival mode with limited self-care might be okay to manage the normal pressure of work and home, the truth is this does not prepare us to deal with sudden increase of stress from the inevitable work or home crisis. Loehr & Schwartz, advocate an approach that makes the business executive ready to handle an increased amount of stress and pressure, which is similar to the athlete elite. Elite athletes prepare themselves for their most stressful time by first acknowledging that their mind, body, emotions and spirit will be different in those championship defining moments. The best way to prepare for this is to improve our capacity in all four areas.
Just like with elite athletes, the business executive should anticipate that there will be peak periods of stress in either their personal or professional lives.
The absolute best method to prepare for the demands of leadership and work is to take care ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. For most of us it is as simple as getting enough sleep, getting regular exercise, eating well and doing something to relax or stimulate our minds. For each of us this question of how to best take care of ourselves is very individual. The need for good self-care and its connection with being good leaders during peak stress moments is universal.
What I learned about myself after processing the feedback about being moody was I had not being doing a great job taking care of myself. While I thought I was handling the stress of my leadership responsibilities just fine, in truth I was not. My team was reacting to my cues. I was not laughing or smiling as much as normal, which was a big signal that was I was stressed.
What my clients have taught me over the years is that if I expect to be at my best during peak stress periods, I must do a better job at self-care. The simple truth is that the leaders that practice good self-care, will be more clear headed, emotionally balanced and have the stamina to handle the most challenging situations in their work and personal lives.
After all, remember your mood as the leader is the most contagious to the team. How can you best equip yourself today, so you have the capacity to handle your upcoming challenges?
References:
Gallese, V., & Goldman, A. (1998). Mirror neurons and the simulation theory of mind-reading. Trends in cognitive sciences, 2(12), 493-501.
Goleman, D., Boyatzis, R., & McKee, A. (2001). Primal leadership: The hidden driver of great performance. Harvard Business Review, 79(11), 42-53.
Loehr, J., & Schwartz, T. (2001). The making of a corporate athlete. Harvard Business Review, 79(1), 120-129.
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